Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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