my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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