I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
