have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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