You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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