Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
