Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
