He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
