I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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