ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
