she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
