Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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