"it" just moved
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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