I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
