i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Terrible idea I love it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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