Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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