Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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