So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
