I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
