Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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