I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you would pick up someone in the library
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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