just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
