My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
