im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
