the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
