Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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