definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
