Sry I called you an 8
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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