His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
