I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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