You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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