And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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