That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
