Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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