i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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