I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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