maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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