I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
