Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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