She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
