I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
