Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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