We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
