What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
