My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
