I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
