Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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