I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
