Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
