you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
