where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
