I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
