there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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