smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
