When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
