Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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