i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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