Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
