She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
