my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
