I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
